Red Letter Day
by andquitefrankly
Summary: Sixteen Candles AU. Loki has a crush on the most popular boy in school, and the geekiest boy has a crush on him. Thor's graduating, and with all the excitement the rest of his family forgot his birthday! Things probably couldn't get any worse, though his embarrassing grandparents and a foreign exchange student named Kurt Wagner come to mind. He really just wants this day to be over
1. Collective Amnesia

In an upper middle class, three story house in the suburb of Shermer, Illinois, the Odinson family began to stir. A loud alarm blared through the hall as Odin and Frigga exited their bedroom, making quite the ruckus.

Odin, half dressed, made his way to the bathroom, yelling, "Wake up. We've got relatives invading this afternoon," while Frigga, still in her robe, leaned over the banister, calling, "Thor, Loki, Baldur. Everybody up."

A bedroom door opened hesitantly as a barely conscious Baldur stepped into the hall, yawning loudly as he ran his hand through his light brown hair. He lazily meandered down the hall, heading towards the bathroom before knocking into the hall table, knocking over a vase, spilling water and daisies all over the freshly cleaned carpet.

He stared at the water puddle in shock before cursing under his breath and setting the vase back in place, praying to whatever gods there were that no one would notice. But as the bathroom door opened and Odin stepped out with a toothbrush in his mouth, Baldur knew there was none.

"It's not even seven and you're already making a mess?" Odin questioned. Baldur suppressed a groan. "We've got family coming. Could you at least try to not tear the house down?"

Baldur rubbed at his face. It was way too early in the morning for this. "I didn't do it on purpose," Baldur argued. "Why is that table there anyway? What purpose does it serve?"

Odin grabbed a towel and began dabbing at the wet spot. "Your mother put it there," Odin answered. "So it's staying there."

As Baldur and Odin tried cleaning up the mess, Thor stepped out of his room with a loud snuff. He barely registered his father and brother kneeling on the floor as he walked past, slamming the bathroom door behind him.

Odin turned around, a frown forming around his toothbrush. "Thor!"

* * *

Upstairs, still wrapped in his blankets, lay Loki, a small smile plastered on his face. His eyes were closed as he listened to his father yell at Thor to get out of the bathroom. His smile grew.

Loki opened his eyes, stretching out like a very large kitten. He cuddled into his pillow, knowing that he really oughtn't before sitting up, rubbing sleep from his eyes.

Just as he was about to jump into the shower (thank heavens for his own personal washroom), his phone rang and Loki pounced on it.

"Happy birthday, loser," Amora practically yelled over the phone.

Loki chuckled, closing the bathroom door behind him. "Thank you, my dear," he replied, balancing the phone with his shoulder as he applied toothpaste to his toothbrush, figuring his shower could wait.

"How's it feel?" she asked.

He shrugged, toothbrush in mouth. "The same. It's not like I expected to wake up today and suddenly know all the answers to the universe." He paused a moment to have a go at his teeth as Amora tried explaining the miracle of turning sixteen. From personal experience, of course.

Spitting out the last of the toothpaste, Loki stared at himself in the mirror. He didn't look any different. And he didn't feel any older. Turning sixteen was important. Exciting. He sighed, "You don't suppose the answers of the universe will hit me in the shower, do you?"

"I don't want to know about your naked activities," Amora teased.

Loki wished Amora goodbye before putting his phone aside and stepping into the warm shower. Today was going to be a good day.

* * *

"Briefcase," Odin repeated for what must have been the millionth time in the past twenty seconds. "Where is my briefcase?" he asked, scouring the living room.

Frigga waited expectantly by the door, briefcase and a travel mug of coffee in hand. "Where's –" Odin stopped his searching to grab the offered prizes. "You're wonderful, you know that?"

Loki half skipped down the stairs, backpack slung over his shoulder. Odin smiled up at him and said, "Son, when you get married, make sure your lady's as sweet as your mother." There was a beep from outside, tearing Odin from his sentimentalities to place a kiss on Frigga's cheek before heading out the door and into the waiting car.

Baldur snorted unpleasantly, in glee. "Yeah, Loke-a-doke. Though that might be a bit difficult. You don't think he'd be too upset when you bring home a sweet boy, do you?" Frigga slapped him in the back of the head before shoving him out the door.

Frigga noticed Loki's pout, putting her hands comfortingly on his shoulders. "I'm sure your father just forgot," she said, brushing a loose strand of Loki's hair behind his ear. "He's just used to your brother bringing home girls, that's all." Frigga looked at his outfit; a teal vest, cream button up shirt, matchstick jeans (as his father called them), and pointed leather boots. "You look nice," she said before taking a look at the clock. "You'd better hurry or you'll miss the bus." Then with a kiss on the forehead, she left Loki alone on the stairs.

"I can't believe this," Loki breathed, stunned. "They fucking forgot my birthday."

* * *

Loki leaned against the wall, his face set in a stern scowl, a textbook in his hand. He wanted nothing more than to smash someone's brain in.

"I'm sure they didn't forget your birthday," Amora attempted to reassure him, as she tried to add some semblance of organization to her locker. "They… just didn't remember right away."

Starting with Amora. Seriously, what kind of best friend was she? "Have your parents ever forgotten your birthday?" he asked, succeeding in not bashing in her head with his chemistry textbook.

Amora grabbed a notebook and began looking through it, a sheepish look on her face. "No." Loki nodded in agreement. It would be him. It's always him. "It's not their fault, you know. Thor's graduating from college tomorrow."

Traitor. How was his best friend a traitor? "Forgotten for the golden son, thank you for that reminder."

Amora threw the notebook back into the locker, looking Loki square in the eye. "You know that's not what I meant."

"It's bad enough I'm adopted," Loki continued, wallowing in self pity. "This is just the icing on the cake. Of which there wasn't one."

The blonde shook her head, her locks bouncing with her. "What were you expecting? A breakfast birthday party?" She slammed her locker shut.

"I'm thinking of trading you in for someone more supportive."

Amora flicked his ear. "I'm the only one who'll put up with you."

Loki pushed himself off the wall, Amora joining him in their journey to their next class. "A 'happy birthday' would have been nice," Loki plowed on, knowing he wasn't going to get any sympathy from his friend. "A simple, 'happy womb expulsion day.' It's all I ask."

Amora made a face. "That's so gross."

"I'm sixteen," Loki stated. "Girls get huge parties with fancy dresses and presents of birth control and herpes." Amora rolled her eyes. "What do I get? A reminder that my father refuses to acknowledge I'm gay, another embarrassing nickname from Baldur, and a compliment from my mother."

"You got complimented," Amora pointed out.

Loki mumbled, "Mother always compliments me." Then louder he added, "It was like any other day."

Amora grabbed his hand and swung their clasped hands in an attempt to cheer up her friend. "You could just remind them. They'd feel guilty and could you imagine how they'd fawn over you? Abuse the power, Loki."

Loki frowned. "It's not worth it."

Amora shook her head, finding some way to change the subject. "This is new," she sang, running her unoccupied hand over Loki's vest. "You look hot."

Loki swatted at her, but smiled. He did look rather good.

* * *

**CONFIDENTAIL**

**1. Have you ever touched it?**

Loki stared at the stupid sex test Sylvie Lushton had convinced him to take. It was utterly ridiculous. Had he ever touched it?

_It. Really, girls? Couldn't they just say penis_. Loki honestly felt like scratching out 'it' and writing penis or dick or something equally shocking. They weren't twelve year olds.

He was about to write cock in large letters before pausing.

**Almost**, he wrote instead. It wasn't a lie. He almost had. Next question.

_Wait. They misspelled confidential_. Loki felt like gouging out his eyes. He crossed out the misplaced 'I' and squeezed it after the 't.' _Ugh_. It looked terrible.

He scratched out **CONFIDENTAIL**, and wrote **CONFIDENTIAL** underneath it. _Better._

Amora yawned behind him. They were in independent study which really meant, sit quietly in your seats for forty two minutes and look busy. The class was pointless. Loki seriously wondered why they even bothered.

**7. Have you ever done it?**

_No_. Though Loki really didn't want to admit that. Sure, his name wasn't on the test but still, he had his pride.

**I don't think so**, he wrote instead. There were such things as date rape drugs and what not. And he wasn't sure if a hand job or blow job counted as sex. Not that he had had any of those. Loki may talk tough, but he was as virginal as the holy mother herself. It was embarrassing. Truly.

**8. If you answered "I don't thinks so" would you ever if you could?**

Damn those tricky bastards! Loki tapped his pen irritatingly against his desk. He put his pen to paper.

**I guess so.**

No need to come off needy. I mean, if the opportunity arose he'd probably say yes.

**9. With who? (Be honest. Your name's not on this, so it's ok.)**

_That's very reassuring, test. Thank you very much_. With who? Well…

Loki turned his head back slowly, trying not to draw attention to himself. He feigned scratching his cheek with his shoulder to get a glimpse of the boy in question.

The teen stared vacantly at the clock, balancing his head on his hand. His chocolate hair sat messily atop his head, as if to tell the world he just didn't give a shit. He had a smart goatee, mustache combo that he kept neat and trim. Paired with a form fitting band tee, jeans, and a pair of high top sneakers, Loki couldn't help but be infatuated.

The boy blinked, gaining consciousness, and catching Loki's eye. Loki turned his head back quickly.

**Tony Stark.**

Loki let his head fall onto the desk. He was an idiot. Tony Stark? He had a better chance of having sex with James Bond. In a list of scenarios, it was more likely that a fictional James Bond would acknowledge his existence than stupidly wonderfully attractive and unbelievably smart Tony Stark. He was better off dying right there and then.

He spied the last question.

**10. Does he know you want to with him?**

It was like the universe was out to get him.

Firstly, Loki couldn't help but feel how this test was directed to those attracted to the male sex. He noticed on the first question but 'it' could also mean vagina. Right? Sure. He really didn't know what ladies called their… lady parts. And secondly, this test was stupid.

**NO.**

Loki underlined it three times for good measure.

He folded it into a small rectangle before pretending to stretch and dropping it, aiming for Amora's desk.

Tony watched the note bounce off of Amora's desk and onto the floor. He waited for the girl to grab it, but when she didn't seem to budge, Tony's natural curiosity got the best of him.

He slid down in his seat, reaching with his foot for the note. Amora fidgeted slightly and Tony froze. When she moved no further, Tony let out a breath he didn't know he was holding.

His foot caught the note and he dragged it closer.

* * *

"What do you mean you don't have it?" Loki hissed as they exited the classroom.

Amora just shook her head. "I didn't get a note," she said. Loki groaned loudly, running a hand over his face. "What was it?"

Loki fidgeted, not wanting to tell Amora. After a brief fight with himself, and once sure out of ear shot from any one important, Loki explained, "Lushton gave me a sex test in Chemistry and I was supposed to fill it out and hand it to you in independent study."

"You didn't put your name on it, did you?" Amora asked, ever the thoughtful one.

"No," Loki scoffed. He wasn't an idiot. "But…"

"What did you do?"

Loki held back a scoff. "It may or may not have asked who I would have sex with if I ever decided to do so." Amora raised an eyebrow, encouraging him to continue. "And I may or may not have put Tony Stark." He blushed slightly, lowering his voice at the name.

"Tony Stark?" Amora repeated loudly. Loki shot her an incredulous look. "Sorry," she said much quieter. "He doesn't even know you exist."

"I'm aware, thank you," Loki muttered.

"He's a senior," Amora continued. "His dad is _the _Howard Stark. He's super rich, super smart, super hot, and he's totally straight."

Loki growled. "I'm aware."

"Not to mention he's dating – "

"Yes!" Loki exclaimed, cutting off Amora's stream of information. "I know. Thank you for the support. It's not like I expect it to happen. He's… my ideal." He straightened, hiding his worries behind a confident air. "I'm allowed an ideal, aren't I?"

Amore laughed. "Hell of an ideal."

* * *

The door handle jiggled slightly. The jiggling stopped, only to be greeted with a click of the lock. The door opened, admitting one Tony Stark and Bruce Banner. They smiled gleefully at each other.

There was no better way to spend lunch than in a science lab.

Bruce wondered off to the back of the room to do who knew what while Tony sat at the teacher's desk. "Bruce," Tony said. He didn't get a response other than a grunt which he took as a sign to proceed. "Do you know Loki Odinson?"

Bruce didn't turn round as he answered, "Sophomore, right?"

"Yeah. What do think of him?"

"I don't."

"Would you ever go with him?"

Bruce turned round then. "Are you trying to set me up with Loki Odinson?"

Tony laughed. "Gods, no. I couldn't see you screwing a guy. Or anyone really."

"Thanks," Bruce answered good humouredly, turning round from the cupboard, a biology textbook in his hands. He sat down at one of the desks, placing the textbook down. "Why the sudden interest?"

Tony shrugged. "I have independent study with him." He fingered the note in his pocket. "I catch him looking at me sometimes."

Bruce shrewdly appraised his friend. "What aren't you telling me?"

"Nothing," Tony said far too quickly to be completely innocent. "I don't know. I think he likes me."

"Because everyone loves Tony Stark…" Bruce muttered, raising himself from his spot and choosing instead to stand in front of Tony. "What's brought this up?"

"What?"

Bruce crossed his arms. "Loki's in our AP European history class. You've never once taken notice of him. But you notice him in independent study? I don't think so."

The other boy was speechless. Bruce knew him too well. "I may have found a note…"

Bruce walked away, hands over his ears. "I don't want to know," he responded. Pulling his hands away he said, "Tony. You're dating Sif, need I remind you? Even if she wouldn't cut off your man bits if she found out about your wandering eye, you still shouldn't think about cheating. Who knows how she'll take it when she finds out it's a guy. Easy lay or not."

Tony stood up, defensively. "I am not after a good fuck," he said, before sitting back down, slightly defeated. "Besides, Loki's, what, sixteen? Does that make me a pedophile? "

"Sorry, Tony, but I don't have the laws about sex with a minor memorized."

Tony lay his head back to stare at the surprisingly dirty ceiling. "I'm a pedophile."

* * *

Loki and Amora were sitting on the wet lawn, watching their fellow classmates play a rousing game of soccer. Or rather, a game of soccer was happening while they stared at Sif prove how much better she was at life than any other living creature.

"Odinson," came the shout of Mr. Rogers, the gym teacher. Loki stared up at the blonde, muscled man. "Why don't you go in for van Dyne?"

"Asthma," Loki replied. "Forgot my inhaler."

Mr. Rogers shook his head in frustration before turning his attention to Amora. "Allergies," Amora said before Rogers could rope her into the same. "Terrible, terrible allergies." Then she sneezed, for good measure.

Rogers gave up, shouting to Hank Pym to replace Janet instead.

"You're such a liar," Loki said once Mr. Rogers was out of earshot.

Amora snorted, knocking knees with Loki. "Like you could talk."

They watched the game with disinterest for a few minutes. Loki pulled at his gym shorts, hating how thin and waifish he looked in his ill fitting uniform. Unlike a certain brunette. "Am I allowed to hate her?" Loki asked finally.

Amora pulled at the grass by her feet. "I don't see why not. I know I do." She watched Sif nearly get a goal in. "There's no way she's actually eighteen."

"Maybe she flunked like nine grades," Loki said. "I don't think a teenage girl's breasts should look like that."

With a laugh, Amora responded, "You're jealous of her boobs?"

"Don't be ridiculous," Loki sighed. "I enjoy not having those ridiculous things on my chest. How do you even see your feet with them there?"

"We stretch."

Loki burst into laughter. He placed his head on Amora's shoulder, his good mood tarnishing quickly as Sif's presence weighed down on him. "She's going with Tony," he said, deciding to confide in his friend. For once. "It kills me how perfect they are. It's like the gods chiseled them out of marble and set them loose in our school to torment me."

"Don't be dramatic."

* * *

Loki hated a lot of things. People, cheese, loud noises, people; that was only a small list. Public transportation was on the top ten with an addendum that included the school bus.

The bus driver smiled at him as he climbed those steps into the bus, offering his hand in a high five. Loki sneered at it, staring at the suddenly quiet heathens. They ogled him and Amora as they found a seat near the front of the bus.

As they sat, the noise started up again. "I hate the bus," Loki hissed, glaring at the two nerds that sat before him, jock straps on their heads. They lifted up plastic ray guns and shot them simultaneously at him and Amora, saying, "Direct hit," before snorting and turning round in their seats.

"Maybe your parents were just messing with you," Amora tried for the millionth time that day. "I bet there's a brand new car in your driveway right now with a big red bow plastered to the top of it."

Loki snorted in disbelief. "Don't count on it."

By the time Amora got off the bus, Loki was one hundred percent certain that today could not get any worse; his birthday forgotten, his sex note lost and no doubt in the hands of some pervert, and a vague memory etched into his brain of Sif's bouncing boobs that Tony Stark probably worshipped any and every chance he got.

At the back of the bus, Fandral – The Geek, to everyone else – rose from his seat and strutted down the aisle with a cocksure stride.

He sat behind Loki, leaning onto the seat before him, his elbow knocking into Loki's shoulder. "How's it going?" Fandral asked with what he thought was a charming grin.

Loki resisted the urge to bang his head against the window. "How's what going?" he replied, knowing he'd regret it but this day already sucked ass, may as well fill the quota.

Fandral took his response as an invitation, quickly sitting beside Loki, putting one arm behind the boy, the other arm dangling on the seat in front, trapping Loki with his body. "You know. Things… life… stuff like that."

"I don't see how any of that information pertains to you," Loki remarked uncomfortably. He was only a block away from his stop. If only the goddamn bus driver had taken the yellow.

The Geek seemed undisturbed by Loki's response, deciding instead to ask curiously, "So… you going to the dance tonight?"

"That is also none of your business," Loki gritted out through clenched teeth. _Go bus driver. Go._ That's when Loki felt more than saw the Geek sniff him. He was just sniffed. By some freshman. Loki quickly shot the boy a look of disbelief.

Clearing his throat, Fandral continued: "Do you have a thing against dancing in public?" _If there was a god, he'd strike down this Geek. Now._ "You don't have to dance. You can just hang out with me and my guys… being you."

_Maybe if I don't respond. _"So what's the story, you got a boyfriend or…?"

"Yes," Loki spat in an attempt to get rid of the Geek. "But you should be more concerned what I can do if you don't stop talking to me, Geek."

"Hostile!" Fandral exclaimed, faking a hurt tone. "I don't understand what's wrong. I'm a dude. You like dudes. What's the problem here? I'm just trying to –"

The bus stopped and Loki felt like simultaneously punching and hugging the bus driver. He shoved past Fandral and made it off the bus in record time.

Alone on the bus save for the chick with the unfortunate head gear, Fandral turned his attentions to her and said, "I think he likes me. You know, a guy with a vest is so – so vogue."

The girl lisped her agreement.

* * *

As Loki trudged up the stairs to his bedroom, he imagined setting the entire town on fire. There was no surprise birthday greetings from his parents. He didn't even know where they were. And that Geek had sniffed him.

Sniffed. Him.

Disgusting.

He opened his bedroom door and climbed up the dozen steps to his room, pausing midway when he heard talking. Loki peered over the bottom of the railing only to catch a glimpse of his grandparents, half dressed.

Loki would never get the image of Grandpa Borr in his boxer shorts and Grandma Bestla in a slip, out of his mind. Oh how it burned. He tried to head back down without being seen but damn that squeaky step.

Grandma Bestla turned round quickly and smiled brightly upon seeing her youngest grandson. "Loki!" she cried, grabbing a cardigan and slipping it on as if it made the entire situation fine. Loki put on his best social face and said, "Hi!" with as much enthusiasm as he could muster.

"Lucky duck," Grandpa Borr greeted, pulling Loki up the stairs and into a large embrace. Grandma Bestla smacked her husband's hands away from her grandson to place a sloppy kiss on his cheek. She smiled widely at him. "You're getting taller. Isn't he, Borr?"

"You're nearly as tall as Thor," Grandpa Borr agreed.

Loki offered him a strained smile. "Thank you for the reminder," he mumbled. Then, taking a few steps back from any more possible affection, Loki asked, "So you're staying here?"

The two grandparents nodded, much to Loki's dismay. He had really wanted to believe his grandparents had somehow gotten lost on the way to not his room. "Your Grandpa Njord grabbed the guest room before we had the chance. The rat," Grandpa Borr gruffed.

Loki nodded knowingly. "Well it's great to see you. Do I look any older today?" Not the smoothest transition, but they were old. No beating around the bush with these two.

Grandma Bestla tilted her head. "Not that I can see. But then again, you'll always be our little Lucky Ducky."

Loki smiled politely before running down the stairs and slamming the door behind him.

Even his grandparents forgot his birthday. His grandparents. Grandparents love birthdays. Loki closed his eyes and took a deep breath. _It's fine. It's fine. Everything is fine_.

Then from down the hall came the flush of a toilet and none other than Grandpa Njord stepped out of the bathroom, a newspaper in hand. "Lokinator!" he exclaimed upon seeing his grandson.

_Oh dear god in heaven._ "Grandpa," Loki smiled.

"Skadi," Grandpa Njord sang. "You'll never guess who's out here."

The door directly adjacent to Loki opened with a flourish and there stood Grandma Skadi in all of her glory. A true diva, if ever there was one. She smiled widely and kissed Loki on both cheeks. "Look at you," Grandma Skadi said. "He's a heartbreaker, this one is."

Grandpa Njord chuckled his agreement, poking Loki's sides. "I'm sure he has all the ladies swooning at his feet."

Loki offered another strained smile. He wanted to die.

"Stop that," Grandma Skadi scolded her husband. "You'll make him wet himself."

Loki's jaw dropped. Wet himself? He was not three. Wet yourself once as a toddler and suddenly you get a bad rep. He has had perfect control of his bladder for a very long time. Thank you very much. Baldur was the one they should be concerned with.

"He's not gonna wet himself," Grandpa Njord argued. "He's a strapping young man." He slapped Loki hard on the back causing the boy to stumble forward slightly. Grandma Skadi set him right back up.

"It's great to see you," Loki mumbled before turning round, hoping to find refuge in his brother's room. Though refuge wasn't close enough.

The only warning Loki had was his Grandmother saying, "Look at his butt. It's so perky!"

* * *

Loki slammed Baldur's bedroom door, leaning his whole body against it. He inhaled deeply.

_I can't believe my grandmother just groped my butt._

He shuddered, letting out a shaky breath. If ever there was a worst day than this, Loki would just throw himself off a building.

Scoffing at the bunk bed his older brother still kept, Loki tossed himself onto the lower bunk, staring up at the wood panels of the other bed. "I've never felt so violated in all my life," he said, pressing the heels of his hands to his eyes. Maybe he could force the memory from his mind.

There was a shuffling of sheets before a distinct accent broke through Loki's sulk. "What's happening hot stuff?"

Loki shot up in the bed, only to be greeted by a dark haired teen hanging upside down from the top bunk.

* * *

"His name is Kurt Wagner," Frigga tried to explain to Baldur who was rummaging through the kitchen cupboards in search of something – anything – to eat.

Baldur found the poptarts, smiling as he bit into the pastry. "I don't care what his name is," Baldur said, his mouth full of poptart. "He's weird."

Frigga snatched the box from her son's hands and put it back in the cupboard, shooing him out her way as she turned on the oven. "He is not weird." Baldur was not buying it. With a huff she added, "He's a foreign exchange student staying with Grandpa Borr and Grandma Bestla. He's a very sweet boy."

"He's a weirdo," Baldur insisted, taking a large bit of his poptart as he left to go watch television in the living room.

Just as Frigga thought she was going to be alone, Loki walked into the kitchen. "I'm not sure you're aware, but there's a weird German kid in Baldur's room," Loki informed his mother.

Frigga let out a sigh. In an attempt to change the subject, she asked, "Do you think you could help your grandmothers' with supper? Your brother, father and I are going to have dinner with the Fielding's."

"Fielding's?"

"You remember them," Frigga said. "Your father thinks Thor would be a perfect fit at their company."

Loki recalled something about them. It didn't concern him, so he had ignored his father's preachings. "Do you think that there might be any reason I should stay home tonight?" Loki asked, hopefully. He hadn't lost all hope. There was a chance it was all a misunderstanding. Or a very cruel joke. Either way. There was hope.

"I don't think so," Frigga started, "but I think it'd be nice for you to actively converse with your grandparents – and Kurt."

"Who?"

"The weird German kid in Baldur's room."

"I promised Amora I'd go to the school dance with her," Loki stated bitterly.

Frigga patted his shoulder on her way out of the kitchen. "That's alright, sweetie. Have fun." Then realization came over her face. She quickly turned round and said, "I completely forgot. Could you remember to take the casserole out of the oven in half an hour?"

Loki held back his ire. "I can remember lots of things."

Frigga smiled at him before disappearing. Loki stood at the counter, resisting the urge to grab a cleaver and going on a rampage. He'd definitely be in the right.

* * *

Thor was the only one in the household (aside from their parents, of course) who hadn't had their room invaded. So Loki decided to take refuge there.

He lay on Thor's bed, laptop on his belly while Thor tried his hand at Super Mario Bros and failing miserably.

"Jump."

"I am."

"No, don't – too late. You're terrible at this."

"Why don't you try, if you're such an expert?"

Loki laughed. "No thank you." He returned his attention to his computer, pretending to look busy.

Loki was tired of being angry. No one had remembered his birthday. It happens. Things like this happen. But it had never happened to him before. It was all Thor's fault and yet Loki couldn't even bring himself to blame Thor properly.

Of course, Thor, the brother who claimed to love Loki like no other, had also completely forgotten his birthday. He was occupied. His graduation was tomorrow. He was going to enter the real world. It's plausible and reasonable for Thor to forget.

Loki let out a loud sigh. Didn't make things suck less.

Thor paused his game to look at his brother. "What's wrong?"

_Today's my birthday. I'm fucking sixteen years old. Everyone forgot because you're graduating tomorrow._ "Nothing. Why would anything be wrong?"

He shrugged. "You look upset," Thor answered rather cryptically, if you asked Loki.

"I'm fine."

"You do not act 'fine'," Thor pressed.

Loki shut his computer. "I. Am. Fine," he enunciated in case there was any confusion. He sat up. "Have fun at your dinner," Loki said before storming out of the room.

Thor just blinked, confused.

* * *

Kurt had his head bowed, hands folded in prayer as the rest of the family watched in amusement. Loki ignored the boy completely, downing the milk his grandparents found amusing to put into crystal wine glasses.

"Amen," Kurt finished, lifting his head with a great big smile on his face as he shoved his piled fork of pasta, cheese, and peppers into his mouth. "Delicious," he said upon swallowing.

Granma Bestla patted him on the arm.

"So… exactly how did you get a foreign exchange student?" Baldur asked, mouth full and little cheese bits flying out of his mouth and back onto his plate. "And can we trade Loki in for some weird German kid?"

Loki stabbed a potato. A cheese meal and Baldur being a dumb ass. _Happy birthday to me_.

"It's quite easy," Grandpa Borr explained. "They have ads for it everywhere. You know, Loki, you and Kurt are just about the same age. I'm sure you two have loads in common." _Grandpa better not be trying to set me up. I will kill him. _

"How do you like America?" Grandma Skadi asked Kurt who had nearly cleared his plate.

He paused in his eating to think. "I love visiting with Grandma and Grandpa," he said, almost as if reading a cue card. "And writing emails to circus friends. And pushing the lawn eating machine so Grandpa's hyena don't get disturbed." He smiled brightly, taking another biteful of casserole.

"Hernia," Baldur corrected, nearly in tears. Kurt was the funniest thing Baldur had ever encountered.

Loki bit into a piece of toast_. Let's all laugh at the foreign kid. Very funny_.

Grandpa Borr smiled proudly at Kurt. "Oh, yes. Kurt washes the dishes and helps with laundry and just before we left he cleaned out the gutter."

_Slave labor. Knew those two were insane_. "Can I be excused?" Loki asked.

"Where are you going?" Grandma Skadi asked.

_Anywhere but here. _Loki glanced at the faces staring at him. He much preferred it when they were staring at the German. "I have a dance to go to," he answered. "At school. We're being graded on it – for gym. Don't wanna be late…"

It was the worst excuse he had ever come up with, if Baldur's snickering was anything to go by. But Loki was damned if they thought he was going to stay for the rest of this terribly awkward dinner party. Loki tried to make his way out of the dining room as quickly as possible.

"I've got a great idea," Grandma Bestla said, stopping Loki in his tracks. "Kurt," she said. "How would you like to go to the dance with Loki?"

Kurt beamed. Loki suddenly understood why some people become ax murderers.

* * *

**Author's Note: **Sixteen Candles. Woot woot. I hope you've all seen this movie. Or at least are now motivated to go watch it. Though... you should watch it after I finish writing it so the story isn't ruined. It's more or less the same story retold but in my defense... Sixteen Candles is perfect and is more perfect when replaced by Frostiron. I can't make it any more perfect. There will be more Tony in upcoming chapters. Promise.


	2. Hardly Enchantment Under the Sea

Wearing the bright blue peplum dress that showed too much skin and Loki insisted made her look downright edible, Amora stood in the parking lot, waiting for the one guy who had never once stood her up.

Almost on cue, a dingy red car pulled up, parking in the principal's parking spot. Loki got out, a scowl in place. He looked handsome as ever, in a tweed jacket, skinny tie, and his penny loafers. And were those… "Red socks?"

Loki smirked. "Don't be jealous."

"Me? Don't be ridiculous," Amora retorted, taking hold of Loki's arm. She was about to compliment his outfit before she noticed the odd kid getting out of the driver's seat of the car. "You brought a date?"

Loki's good mood dissipated as he stared at Kurt. "My grandparents made me bring him." Kurt smiled, making his way to the couple. "No. Sorry. Go away now. Go away fast. I had to bring you. We're not friends." Kurt frowned. "She's mine," Loki continued. "Go find you own."

That seemed to spark something in Kurt who turned around and into the school gym.

"Do I want to know?" Amora asked as they strolled into the gym which was cheaply decorated and didn't make Loki believe for an instant they were in an underwater world.

"My grandparents found a way to get free child labor," Loki explained. He pulled Amora to the dance floor, away from the wall of nerds and Kurt, who found himself in conversation with the preacher's daughter.

"I think I like you when you're possessive," Amora remarked as Loki took her in his arms for a slow dance.

Loki rolled his eyes. "You're the prettiest girl in the room. Of course I'm possessive."

"Sweet talker."

"According to my grandparents, yes." He shuddered then, remembering his earlier violation. "Why are we here, again?"

Amora hit Loki's arm. "Because you need to stop holing yourself up in your room."

"I hate people," Loki said, twirling Amora.

"That's no excuse. Social life: you need one. I'm your only friend. How sad is that?"

Loki let go of his friend, stalking off to some far off location, leaving Amora alone on the dance floor. As far as he was concerned, one friend was enough. She ran after him, her heels clacking behind him.

He heaved a sigh upon spotting Amora's glare. "I don't want friends," Loki told her, crossing his arms defensively. "I have you."

Amora gave up. Really, there wasn't a point.

On the other side of the gym, the emergency door opened a crack. If anyone was standing there, they would hear loud whispers and controlled shouting from behind it, but as it was, the coast was clear and Tony was tired of arguing. He opened the door wider and shoved Bruce inside, following quickly after.

"Why are we doing this?" Bruce asked, trying to hide behind a giant dolphin cut out. Tony didn't deem him with an answer. They had discussed this. Tony wanted to get to know Loki better. This was the last dance of the school year and all of the lowerclassmen came. Even the nerds. "This definitely falls into the stalker category."

Tony froze, a sea foam balloon in his hands. He was a stalker, wasn't he? _No!_ He was not. He was just another senior crashing the freshman/sophomore end of the year dance. "Don't try to scare me out of dragging you along," Tony warned. "Because I can and will make your life a living hell."

Bruce sighed, rubbing his temples in agitation. "If you get caught – "

"We're not gonna get caught," Tony cut him off.

"I meant by Sif," Bruce retorted. He could be at home right now, having a Kubrick marathon. He really had to reevaluate his friendship with Tony. "I don't want to get involved, alright? That's all I'm saying."

Tony nodded. "Got it. Just look for Loki."

The teens split up and Tony wandered the gym, turning his head at every dark haired boy. Tony had to admit, this was not his smartest idea. He didn't know anything about Loki.

Except maybe he had a nice ass.

The sex note he found probably wasn't even Loki's. And if it was, he was probably just after sex, just like everyone else. It was a sex test for crying out loud. It's not like it was some note filled with hearts and flowers and Tony's name written all over it. Actually, that would be creepy. He was glad it wasn't.

And what would he say once he found Loki? 'Hey, It's me. Tony Stark. I found this note and I'd be honored to be your first time.' _Stupid stupid stupid._

Maybe Bruce was right. He had Sif. Why try to play the field when he had a good team? _That's not right_. Tony was never good at analogies anyways.

It would be a lie if Tony said he had never noticed Loki Odinson. Loki was all angles and smooth skin, like a perfectly constructed marble statue. His eyes were the deepest shade of green and he was unbelievably pale, enhanced all the more by his dark, dark hair. He was beautiful.

There was more than one night when he'd woken up in a cold sweat, clinging to wisps of green eyes and a smirk that was more salacious than it ever was in real life.

Tony liked Sif. She was hot. But aside from that, there wasn't much there. Sure, the sex was pretty fantastic, but conversation was a dud and they had nothing in common. Not much to build a relationship there, if you know what I mean.

Tony wanted something more. And Loki… well Loki seemed his type. From the snatches of Loki Tony got, he knew that Loki was smart; he was sassy and sarcastic and stubborn and other 's' words (including sexy). If that didn't make a good partner than Tony didn't know what did.

Making his way to the bleachers, Tony let out a sigh. This was the most ludicrous and impossible thing he'd done this year. He poured himself some Coke and pouted at the far wall, watching and waiting for some kind of sign.

He was not the only one.

Not a few feet away, Fandral was in conference with his friends: Hogun and Volstagg. Nerds they were, and freshmen, no doubt, but along this wall they were invincible. And so from the safety of their wall the three discussed Fandral's favorite topic: Loki.

"Would I lie to you?" Fandral challenged them. Hogun and Volstagg only threw each other a look. "When it matters, I mean," Fandral clarified. The two boys shrugged. "Fine."

Fandral frowned. He caught a quick glance at Loki who was being harangued by the blonde chick he tended to sit with on the bus. Life was completely unfair.

Fandral was an attractive guy and the fact that his friends – his own friends! – didn't believe he had a shot with the tall and sexy sophomore was enough to rile up the sleepy lion in Fandral. He would prove them wrong.

"I bet by the end of the night he and I" – pause for dramatic effect – "will interface," Fandral challenged his buds.

That got Volstagg's attention. "How much?"

"Hundred bucks," Fandral said.

Volstagg and Hogun shared another look before nodding. "Deal," they chorused. "But we'll need proof," Volstagg added.

"Ok, fine. What?"

Another look and then, "Video."

"Don't be gross," Fandral grimaced. "That could get all over the internet. No dice."

"Underpants."

Fandral raised an eyebrow. "You want me to steal his underwear? That's just weird." He paused for a minute to think. "I'll think of something," Fandral reassured them.

"Alright," Volstagg relented.

Fandral smirked, fixing his t-shirt and running a hand through his blonde locks. He looked good. Now he had to make his move.

He winked at his friends. He took his first step towards his victim when he heard Hogun say, "Hickey. Or pay up now."

Fandral's steps faltered slightly. They would make this more difficult than necessary.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Loki let Amora rant and rave before she finally gave up and decided to dance with someone who would actually be willing to see her naked. Her words, not his. Mostly.

Blending into the streamers, Loki took the time to relax. No one cared much for him. If he stayed right here for the rest of the night, things would go smoothly. He grinned to himself, knowing that for once things were going his way.

Or not.

Loki grabbed a balloon and covered his face with it. _No. No no no nononono. God please no. _Loki peaked over the balloon. _Shit._ It was Tony.

What the hell was he doing here? This was a froshmore dance! This wasn't just any ol' regular dance that anyone can go to. Loki wouldn't have come otherwise. Ok, that's not true. He doesn't make a point in going to any dances. He went this time because Amora insisted. But this was the exception to the rule and why did he have to come for the exception what did he think he was doing the bastard he ought to punch him in his beautiful face. _Concentrate!_ But it really was a lovely face.

Loki hit his head against the balloon. These sort of things always had to happen to him, didn't they? Why couldn't things go good – for once. That's all Loki wanted. Really. That's all. Is that too much to ask?

He lowered the balloon a fraction only to meet Tony's brown eyes. _Shit!_ Loki turned his head and decided to fuck the dance but since the universe was clearly out to get him, escape was not easily offered.

What was offered was a lascivious smile from The Geek. Oh, the humiliation.

"Fandral," the Geek seemingly introduced. "You remember me, right?" Loki's grimace was well received as Fandral – The Geek (he didn't deserve an actual name) – responded by smiling wider. "Wanna dance?" he asked.

"No," Loki barked, stepping out from his balloons only to remember why he was there in the first place and slid back into place. "Go away, I don't have time for your delusions."

It was amazing how a rejection sounded like an invitation to the little punk who pulled on Loki's arm, dragging him to the dance floor and then proceeded to embarrass themselves both. Fandral had no dance skills whatsoever and did quite a bit of jittering and jumping, almost as if performing some sort of ritualistic rain dance.

Loki could feel the eyes of everyone around them on him and he knew that he was turning red. Loki wasn't sure if it was some sort of geek thing but Fandral didn't seem to notice at all. Then again he kept his eyes on Loki and this was getting out of hand quickly.

So Loki did the only reasonable thing to do. He got the hell out of dodge.

His brisk walk quickly turned into a run once he reached the nearest exit, not caring whether it took him further into the school building or the parking lot. All Loki knew was that he had to get out of there.

A quick look around told Loki that he had ended up in the boy's locker room. Thankfully there was no one in there. The last thing he needed were some drunk, jock assholes making fun of him. That or the sight of incredibly horny teenagers going at it on one of the benches.

He leaned his head against a locker, breathing deeply and trying to disappear. Tony Stark witnessed him interacting with The Geek. Not only that, but dancing – and Loki considered standing around while he danced around him as the same thing – with him. The universe was really and truly out to get him.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Fandral wasn't sure whether to be insulted or embarrassed. He opted for the former. After all, his dance skills were impeccable. Loki should be grateful that he came prepared.

Then it occurred to him. Maybe Loki didn't want other students to know he was gay. That seemed reasonable. Though he was pretty sure no one actually thought Loki was straight. He dressed too well to be straight. Then again, he could be one of those really fashionable straight guys. Which would be a shame. Because Fandral really wanted to see Loki naked.

_He's probably playing hard to get_, Fandral placated himself. Plenty of people do it. Why not Loki?

"Hey!" shouted an angry voice breaking Fandral from his reverie. He was further pulled from his thoughts by a firm hand at his shoulder.

"Woah," Fandral exclaimed, slapping at the hand and facing his attacker only to be silenced by the scowling face of Tony Stark. Fandral's first thought was _Holy shit! Tony Stark! _His second was, _Tony Stark touched me!_ The third was, _Oh god. He's going to kill me._

Fandral gulped. "Whatever I did, I didn't mean to do it. I was framed! You wouldn't beat up someone younger than you would you?"

Tony cut off his rambling with a nod of his head in the direction Loki had ran off to. "You come with him?"

_Tony Stark was a homophobe! Uh…_ "Me? Don't be crazy," Fandral sputtered. "Tits." _Tits? Really?_

"Ease up there, kid," Tony said, offering a reassuring grin. "I just wanted to know if you knew him."

"His name's Loki," Fandral offered. Nobody could say he wasn't polite.

Tony nodded. "I know." He took a moment to appraise the younger boy before asking, "Anything else?"

Fandral smiled and leaned in conspiratorially, going so far as to put his arm around Tony's shoulders and bringing him close to share his secrets. "Sophomore," Fandral stated. "Tall, but lean. Dresses nice. Smells good. Great voice: like listening to pure sex." He smiled at that, letting go of Tony. He nodded for good measure before adding, "And he drives me crazy."

"He come here with you?" Tony asked.

Fandral shook his head. "No, but –" and he leaned in close again "– I'm hoping I'll leave here with him." With that Fandral smiled, patted Tony on the arm, and then proceeded to walk away. He had just survived his very first conversation with Tony Stark. No doubt it would probably be his last, but still. And it was about his favorite subject.

Meanwhile, Tony stood in a pool of sexual frustration. Who did that Geek think he was? Loki was his. If that freshman thought that he stood a chance with Loki then –

He was doing it again.

Loki was not his. _Repeat it to yourself, Stark. Loki isn't mine. He does not belong to me. He can date or fuck whoever he wants._ But Tony knew that he wouldn't give it up to some fifteen year old with acne when he wanted an eighteen year old with fantastic facial hair and an IQ of a bajillion.

That, really, was the only thing stopping Tony from grabbing the Geek and punching him the face.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Loki grew tired of trying to become one with the lockers via osmosis and opted for laying down on one of the benches, face up. He wondered, vaguely, what Amora was up to and if she was looking for him, but if she was really worried she would call. She's probably necking some guy in the parking lot.

Well good for her. Didn't make Loki less bitter about the whole ordeal. Weren't best friends supposed to be there during crises? If sixteen years of television and movies have taught him anything, it was that.

He heard the locker room door open and Loki cursed silently. He knew the alone time would only last so long.

Turning his head, Loki found The Geek staring down at him. Realizing he was under Loki's scrutiny, Fandral fidgeted slightly. "I wanted to apologize about earlier," he said. "I didn't realize you couldn't dance."

_Of all the…_ "Go away."

Fandral nodded his head but sat down on neighboring bench as if Loki had offered an open invitation to join him. Loki could leave. He could just get up and leave, but really, this boy was far too persistent. Chances were he'd find him again.

The two were silent for a few moments before Fandral decided on small talk. "Pretty cool dance. I personally like the dolphins."

"It's my birthday," Loki said, and where that came from he didn't know. Maybe he actually wanted someone to know, even if it was this stupid freshman. Maybe he really wanted to hear someone say, 'happy birthday.' It wasn't too much to ask. "I'm sixteen years old today."

To Loki's horror Fandral took it upon himself to begin a rousing serenade of Sixteen Candles. Loki sat up and kicked Fandral in the shin who stopped his singing to pout, clutching at his leg in pain.

"Don't mock me," Loki growled. "This day has been shittastic as is."

Fandral rubbed at his sore leg, grumbling, "What's wrong? Didn't get anything good?"

Loki snorted. "More like nothing. Not even a happy birthday." Fandral's eyebrows rose in surprise. "It might as well have been any other Friday."

"That's awful," Fandral exclaimed, his leg forgotten.

"This just reinforces my theory that as the adopted son, I'm not as important as my parents' real children," Loki continued, the proverbial dam broken. "I'm sixteen years old. When Thor turned sixteen he got a car. When Baldr turned sixteen he got a trip to the Grand Canyon. What do I get? A 'don't you look handsome today and by the way, your grandparents are going to take over your room hope you have fun sleeping on the couch!'"

Loki was fuming. Maybe he should talk about these things to Amora. Probably not best to keep it bottled up and then told to geeks in the boy's locker room.

"Would it help if I told you one of my secrets?" Fandral asked, genuinely concerned. That surprised Loki, but the kid did have a stupid crush on him. He probably thought this would give him some potential dating points.

Loki smirked. "Let me guess, you've never actually been with a guy." Fandral opened his mouth in shock. And embarrassment. Loki laughed. "It's rather obvious."

"No it's not," Fandral grumbled good-naturedly. "Just… stop laughing, okay? Ladies can't resist my charm but it's harder with guys."

Loki's laughter simmered down to sporadic chuckles. "You are ridiculous," Loki told him just as Fandral tried for a kiss. It was more like a face attack and thankfully Loki saw it in time. He shoved Fandral away. "What the hell?"

"Sorry," Fandral said, embarrassed but not at all perturbed by the situation. "I just thought…"

Loki crossed his arms, observing the boy in front of him. "Why are you so hung up on me anyway?" Loki asked. "There are other, easier, targets than me. Ones that like freshman meat and willing to show you the ropes."

The other boy shrugged. "I'd rather be the pitcher."

"Thanks," Loki deadpanned. To be perfectly honest Loki wasn't sure which he was but the fact that Fandral decided it for him was upsetting.

"Sorry," Fandral apologized again. "For earlier, on the bus."

"You sniffed me," Loki told him.

A wry grin made its way on the younger boy's face. He didn't deem that with an answer, continuing instead with his apology. "It's just I kind of have a reputation, you know?"

"What?" Loki asked. "As king of the geeks, losers, and assholes?"

Fandral nodded, not caring that Loki insulted him. "I had to fight for that. A hard earned fight, I might add."

"You know," Loki mused, "summer vacation's in a few weeks. Who knows. You might come back next year completely normal."

"Yeah?"

Loki nodded.

The two shared an easy silence. Maybe Fandral wanted to get into his pants but to be perfectly honest, he wasn't too bad. And he was easily deterred which was great.

"Can I ask you a question?" Fandral asked. Loki shrugged. Taking that as a yes Fandral took a deep breath and rushed out, "Would you have sex with me?"

Loki knew that if he was drinking something he would have spit it up all over Fandral. As it was, he merely choked out a squeaky, "what?" before clearing his throat and saying, "No."

"Thought so," Fandral murmured. He stood up then, stretching a bit. "Was worth a shot. I do apologize though."

"Thanks," Loki said. "You know you shouldn't be so hung up on trying to sleep with someone. You're only fifteen. I'm sixteen and I've never done it."

"Really?" Fandral blurted, sitting back down like it was story time. "I never would have thought it." Loki raised an eyebrow. "Not that I think you're slutty or easy. It's just… Tony Stark asked me about you and I thought maybe you two had an arrangement or something."

Tony Stark. Tony Stark? Were Loki's ears deceiving him? "What?" He nearly yelled, sitting up and grabbing Fandral by the shoulders. "Tony Stark?"

Fandral nodded his head so fiercely Loki thought his head would pop off.

"Details!" Loki nearly yelled. Could it be that Tony Stark came to the school dance for him? No. That was stupid. He hadn't even approached him. But still. He asked about him. This was progress. Progress!

Fandral looked at Loki wide eyed. "Not much happened," Fandral confessed though he was prompted to elaborate upon feeling Loki's fingernails digging into his skin. "After you disappeared he kind of attacked me asking about you. That's all."

Loki let the boy go. "What do I do?" he asked. "You don't think – No! – but – If you're lying to me!"

"Why would I lie?" Fandral asked. "You really like him, huh?" Loki ran his hands over his face, nodding. "Then you should talk to him," Fandral reasoned.

Loki stood up, smiling. "I think I will," he said. "Thanks." In an odd rush of emotion, Loki placed a kiss on Fandral's head.

He began his trek out of the locker room before he was held back by Fandral's call of, "Wait."

Loki turned, peeved. "Sorry," Fandral apologized for the millionth time that night, "It's just… you know I was telling you about my King of the Jerks title and well… I've helped you out so I thought maybe, you could help me."

"What do you want?"

"How comfortable would you be in giving me a hickey?"

* * *

**Author's Note**: Sorry this took a while but life. I'll try not to make the next chapter's wait as long but I can't make promises. Anyways, hope you enjoyed the chapter. And the version of Sixteen Candles that Fandral is singing is by The Crests. It's a really great song. You should totally listen to it.

Aardvark!


	3. There Is No Pining

Bruce wandered around the gym aimlessly, his mind on things other than Loki. Like how his best friend had lost his mind. He and Tony had been friends for years: the two nerds who were all about science. It was hard not to be drawn to each other. But in every other aspect, the two boys were different.

And usually, Tony understood that. He rarely made Bruce do something he wasn't comfortable with. They would watch movies together, or go bowling; but mostly they did science together. Tony always invited him to his parties, where Bruce stood idly in the corner and watched his classmates get wasted. And Bruce always made sure to invite Tony over on holidays because it wasn't like Tony had anyone to spend them with.

Yes, Tony and Bruce were different. And as he tried to search for Loki, Bruce was reminded how much so.

Pausing for a moment, Bruce realized that he had circled the gym at least three times already. He hadn't spotted Loki. He probably wasn't here. _Good_. He dug into his pocket and pulled out his phone.

**Haven't seen him. He's probably not here. – BB**

Almost immediately his phone buzzed.

**You're giving up on me? That pains me. That physically pains me. – TS**

**Guilt trips will not work. – BB**

**Fine. Meet me at the car. – TS**

Bruce resisted the urge to jump, fist raised in triumph. Instead, he stuffed his phone in his pocket and bolted towards the parking lot. It was then that he bumped into Loki.

* * *

In retrospect, it was all his fault. Loki should have known better than to have an existential crises right in front of the double doors, but in his defense, his mind was occupied in how to approach Tony Stark.

He could walk right up to him and introduce himself. But they had a few classes together and if what Fandral said was right, then Tony Stark knew who he was.

He could accidentally bump into him and let Tony lead the conversation. Yes. That would work. Though now he'd actually have to go looking for the teen and that gym was filled with sweaty, disgusting teenagers, and Loki really really really didn't want to go back in there.

That was when the gym doors opened, pushing Loki forward and knocking him into the bushes that lined the gym. He let out a loud yelp before he found himself in a shrub, leaves in his mouth and hair.

There was a concerned, "Are you ok?" and several apologies from behind him, before Loki felt a hand at his elbow, lifting him up. Loki tried swatting the hand away, but it held on firmly. He had no choice but to be helped up, like a damsel or an old lady. Both sucked.

When Loki looked up at his helper, he froze. "Banner," Loki breathed, knowing full well that if Bruce was here then Tony Stark wasn't too far behind.

"Sorry," Bruce repeated for the millionth time, pulling a twig that got stuck in Loki's hair. "I didn't see you."

"It's fine," Loki grit out, looking for an escape. He may be rather keen on talking to Tony, but not with sticks in his hair. Loki managed to circle around Bruce before the gym doors opened once again and Loki found himself in Bruce's arms. Loki wasn't sure if this was better than the bushes or not.

"Bruce, baby, what are you…?"

Loki's face went beet red. Speak of the devil and he shall appear. _Of all the times…_ Loki shoved Bruce away in a panic, stumbling backwards and into Tony's waiting arms. For a moment, Loki stared up at Tony, drowning in the deep chasms that were his brown eyes, and relishing the feel of Tony's hands on him. But that moment faded quickly.

Loki could feel his face growing hot. This was not how this meeting was supposed to go. He and Tony were going to talk, preferably alone (that meant no Banner), and then maybe, just maybe, Tony would realize how fantastic Loki was and they'd make out in the back of Tony's car. Ok, that was a ridiculous notion and really, Loki wasn't counting on it, but still.  
"Hi," Tony grinned, looking down at Loki, his handsome features accented by the moonlight behind him.

That spurred Loki into action like nothing else. He pulled himself out of Tony's arms, righting himself, pulling at a few leaves that made it into his jacket. He stood in front of Tony, staring at the boy like he was face to face with a cannibal, before nodding and walking away.

* * *

Tony wasn't sure what had just happened. He had Loki right there, literally in his arms, and somehow, he was gone. It couldn't have been an apparition. Bruce totally saw the whole thing. "What?" Tony blurted out the moment Loki was out of sight. "Where the hell did he go?" He jogged towards Loki's direction, but Bruce was on his tail and caught hold of him.

"Let's just go, Tony," Bruce said.

"He was right there, Bruce!" Tony exclaimed, fighting of Bruce's grip. "He was in my hands. Literally!"  
"Tony," Bruce pleaded, letting him go. "Please."

* * *

Loki sat in the passenger seat of his grandfather's car, head between his legs. _Stupid, stupid, stupid._ He inhaled deeply, in a feeble attempt to calm his nerves. When that didn't work, Loki let out a frustrated shout.

"He must think I'm an idiot," he mumbled, slowly sinking into the car seat, his long legs bent uncomfortably.

Usually, Loki wasn't one to take advantage of the whole, "damsel in distress" deal, but that couldn't have been a more perfect moment. Tony had been concerned about him. It was the icebreaker he needed. And what did he do? "I should have talked to him!" Loki yelled, sitting back and staring at the roof of the car.

Loki sat in the car, wallowing in self pity for what seemed like ages, before his phone rang. He answered the phone with a pout. "What?"

"Where the fuck did you go?" Amora demanded. "I leave you alone for five minutes and you disappear from the face of the planet."

"If I were to throw myself in front a sixteen wheeler, you'd let me, right?" Loki asked, not bothering to answer Amora's question.

"What happened?"

Loki sighed, turning his head to stare out the window. He could hear some popular pop song playing over the phone speaker. It disgusted him that this was what his generation was listening to. And Amora wondered why he didn't attend school dances.

There was a knock at his door window and Loki turned to see the smiling face of Kurt. Loki had forgotten all about him. Loki rolled down the window and sweetly asked, "Yes?"

* * *

Fandral hopped from foot to foot, keeping spry and on his toes. This was his big moment. He checked himself in the mirror one more time. He looked perfectly debauched. Fandral smiled.

Perfect.

He stepped out of the locker room, a spring in his step and a "I just don't care" attitude. The dance was still in full swing, and his friends hadn't moved from their lonely wall. Fandral grinned as he strutted to them.

"Gentlemen," he said, tilting his head in greeting.

Volstagg and Hogun merely stared at him, trying to assess whether or not he had indeed done the dirty. "Well?" Volstagg asked, not taking the other's boys mussed state as affirmation.

Fandral sighed, dramatically, "Your lack of faith and tact is unnerving."

"Why are you talking like that?" Hogun asked, always one to get right to the point.

"My friends," Fandral declared, wrapping his arms around the two boys and drawing them closer. "When one has had intercourse with an intelligent and refined person such as Loki Odinson, one finds that every day colloquialisms will not do to describe the experience."

Volstagg punched Fandral in the arm.

"Ow! Ok, fine." Fandral pulled down his shirt collar to reveal a red hickey on his chest. One of several.

"That doesn't prove anything!" Volstagg declared. Fandral just gaped at him, showing off the other hickeys Loki had decided to put on him.

After much debate, Fandral and Loki had decided on a hickey on Fandral's hipbone. But just as Loki had finished, he frowned at the mark and decided to mark up Fandral in other places. None were as scandalous as the hip one, but Loki stated that if he really had had sex with Fandral, he'd want everyone to know he had had him.

Loki, Fandral had discovered, was a possessive lover. It saddened Fandral that this was only a business arrangement. Though Loki had given Fandral one more thing, in case his friends needed more convincing.

"You said you wanted a hickey as proof," Fandral told his friends. "I have more than one. So pay up." His friends didn't budge. Honestly, Loki was right. He should find some new buddies. Maybe change his image. It wasn't too late.

Fandral grumbled as he fished around in his back pocket. The smiles on Volstagg and Hogun's faces were aggravating, to say the least. And were wiped off the instant Fandral held up a pair of men's, striped, short leg boxers.

* * *

Tony sat on the living room couch, a half drunken beer in hand.

Beside him, a drunken couple were practically eating each other's faces. Any other night, Tony wouldn't care, but tonight he wasn't in the mood. He didn't even have Bruce to complain to. No, he left ages ago. Parties weren't Bruce's thing.

Music played loudly, blaring through the thousand dollar stereo set Howard had bought some years ago but never used to its full potential. Teenagers were in every nook and cranny of the Stark household, drinking, dancing, grinding, sucking face, and who knows what else.

It was too much.

Tony set down his beer, stepping over the house of cards a group of Juniors were trying to build, making his way to the kitchen where he knew there was going to be less people, and the music not as loud.

Unfortunately, the kitchen also had Sif.

Beautiful, tall, dark haired Sif; with her hazel eyes and perfectly sculpted figure made even more apparent by the low cut blouse and tight miniskirt. A lovely sight to behold.

But Tony didn't see any of that. All he saw was the bane of his existence. "Tony!" Sif squealed upon seeing him, wrapping her arms around Tony's neck and kissing him. "Where have you been?" she slurred, clearly under the influence of one too many beers.

"Around," Tony answered, trying to pull himself out of Sif's grip, and failing miserably as hers was a death grip.

She smiled widely, saying, "I want you to meet some people," before turning around and pulling Tony into the living room. "Everyone!" she declared. "This is Tony. Tony, this is… everyone!" The teenagers cheered in greeting.

Tony grimaced, pulling himself away from Sif to head back to the kitchen, opening the fridge and grabbing a water bottle. He downed most of it in one go, wondering if sobriety was worth this much effort. Getting completely thrashed and having drunken sex with Sif would probably be a million times better.

He patted her on the head before making a quick exit, but Sif was not one to be ignored. She followed him to an empty hallway before her drunkness seemed to fall away and she hissed, "What the hell is wrong with you?"

Tony could feel himself getting a headache. "I'm just not in the mood," he replied over his shoulder. "Go back to the party."

Sif grabbed his shoulder and whirled him around so they were face to face. Her sneer slowly turned into a pleasant smile as she placed a kiss on his nose. "Tony, baby," Sif cooed.

"What?" Tony asked, resigned. Even drunk, Sif was a force to be reckoned with. She was never as wasted as she seemed, never as out of her faculties as she wanted you to believe. And she had a knack for cornering Tony to get her way.

"You're not cheating on me, are you?" she asked pleasantly as if asking whether Tony could take her to the movies. Sif wrapped her arms around Tony's neck and went in for a kiss to which Tony was completely unresponsive.

Pulling back Sif's good attitude quickly turned sour. "If there's another fucking woman I will make your life a living hell," she threatened him. "Don't think I can't." She pulled herself off of him, strutting back to the ruckus that was the party. She stopped mid-strut to say, "You know, there are hundreds of guys who'd kill to be with me. You're not anything special."

"Noted," Tony muttered as Sif slunk away.

He rubbed at his face, hoping that the gods would show mercy on him and strike him down where he stood. Well it wasn't another woman, that's for sure. Tony wondered how she'd react when she found out it was a guy. Probably significantly worse. Chances are they would find Tony's manbits in the stomach of an crocodile.

Wasn't that Peter Pan? (_Wait. Captain Hook lost his hand, not his… dick. So not like Peter Pan. Debatable…_)

"Oh god," Tony mumbled, as he ran up the stairs, two steps at a time. Out of range from the pop music playing downstairs, Tony felt himself thinking just a little bit clearer. He headed to his bedroom, throwing himself onto his bed.

Tony knew Sif was going to be an obstacle. That much was obvious. He couldn't just break up with her and then waltz around with Loki like everything was ok. Chances were she'd try to murder Loki just as much as murder him, which was the opposite of OK.

The thing that made sense now was to forget all about Loki and focus on Sif. They were graduating in a couple of weeks. He would go to MIT and Sif would go to Dominican University. Wait out the summer, break up, and then focus on Loki when Sif was no longer in the way.

But the chances of Tony meeting up with Loki ever again was not very likely. He needed to act now. That way he'd have the summer, and if their relationship worked out, they could do long distance. Tony could do that. He was sure he could.

Tony sat up in his bed in realization. He was pining. And not only was he pining, he was turning into one of those creepy people that mapped out the future with their impossible lover.

"Someone help me," he said aloud.

* * *

Loki grumpily sat cross legged on the kitchen counter, a bowl of cocoa puffs in his hands. He stared at the soggy cereal, lost in thought.

He was an idiot. He had his chance with Tony and he blew it. The guy had asked about him, held him, and even spoke to him, and he blew it. _Way to go, Odinson_.

"What's the matter with you?" Baldur asked, taking a Coke out of the fridge.

Loki glared at him. "Nothing."

Baldur snorted in disbelief. The likelihood of nothing bothering Loki was like the government no longer wanting tax dollars. It was impossible. He grabbed a bag of potato chips out of the cupboard and poured the contents into a huge bowl. "Where's Hitler's cousin?"

The fact that Loki didn't bite off Baldur's head for being a total ass wipe was a miracle. "I don't know," Loki replied, before jumping off the counter and storming past his brother.

Baldur just shrugged his shoulders. If Loki wanted to be a jerkface about everything, then so be it. He had a date with _Dance Moms_.

Loki grumbled under his breath as he stalked off, pausing every now and then to stuff his mouth with cocoa puffs. He threw himself onto the couch, making sure he didn't spill any cereal on his makeshift bed. Life was terribly unfair. Baldur got to keep his bed, why did Loki have to sleep on the couch.

It was his birthday for Christ's sake!

Not that anyone around here bothered to remember. Loki had every right to bitter. Though right now he had more or less given up. He had given a geek several hickies _and_ his underwear, he had screwed up his only chance with Tony Stark, and the religious German exchange student had found a date at the school dance while Loki remained a social pariah, incapable of attracting anyone but a total loser.

Life sucked.

Setting down his now empty bowl on the coffee table, Loki debated between going to bed or committing suicide. He opted for going to bed. He didn't have the patience to kill himself.

* * *

Fandral wasn't sure how he ended up locked in the walk in freezer. Not true. He knew how, he just didn't know why – also a lie. He supposed he wondered how long it would be before someone found his cold, frozen body.

Probably years. The Starks would suddenly crave frozen… pizza (or carrots or peas or something) and when they opened the door his poor, frozen body would fall out, breaking into thousands of little pieces.

He should have just gone home like Volstagg and Hogun wanted. Where were they now? Probably making out with some sexy upperclassmen. Fandral had the worst luck.

* * *

"What's that horrible racket?"

Grandma Bestla turned over in the bed, stealing the blanket from Grandpa Borr who was sitting up, covering his ears with his hands. A loud tune was coming from the pants Loki had discarded in the laundry basket an hour earlier.

The two grandparents looked at each other, not sure whether they should answer the phone or not. If they didn't, the person on the other line would think their grandson rude, but if they did, Loki may think the two were invading his privacy. But on the other hand, sweet, delicious silence.

It was agreed.

Grandpa Borr got out of bed, his knees creaking under the effort. He stumbled across the dark room until he found the laundry basket, rummaging in the pockets. As he pulled the phone out of the pocket, the light blinded him and Grandpa Borr shielded his eyes. He wasn't a fan of technology.

He stared at the device, trying to figure out how to use it. There was a green button… Just as Grandpa Borr was about to answer it, the phone stopped ringing.

"Who was it?" Grandma Bestla asked, turning on the bedside lamp.

"I don't know," Grandpa Borr answered, making his way back to the bed, the phone clutched in his hand.

The phone rang again and the grandparents stared at the phone. They couldn't make out a name, just a number, and seeing as the number wasn't marked with a name, chances are some horrible person was trying to call Loki. Grandpa Borr bristled at the thought.

On the other end of the line Tony Stark waited impatiently for the phone to be answered. He could text, true, but he wasn't sure if the number he managed to coax out of Wade was valid. Knowing the jackass, he probably gave Tony a false number just to mess with him.

To say it was surprising to find that out of all the people at his party to have Loki's number was none other than Wade Wilson, would be an understatement. Tony was immediately taken aback. Loki ran with an interesting crowd.

His first phone call rang for what seemed like ages. No one answered but it was Loki's number. He had gotten to the voicemail eventually: "You're reached the phone of Loki Odinson. I apologize, but I am currently unavailable to answer your call. If you leave your name, number, time of call, and purpose for calling, I will try my best to get back to you as soon as I am able. Thank you, and have a lovely day."

Tony hung up before leaving a message, but quickly redialed. True, he could leave a voicemail but that was impersonal and the coward's way out. He'd call again, and if Loki didn't answer he'd just call back in the morning. Perfect plan.

Except no one was answering all over again. "Fuck me," Tony swore, hanging up the phone.

Grandma Bestla sat up in bed, her mouth open in shock. Grandpa Borr watched her in concern. "What?" he asked. "Did they hang up? What did they want?"

Grandma Bestla handed over the phone. She blinked before answering: "Sex."

Horrified, Grandpa snatched the phone from his wife's hands saying, "Give me that," and redialed the number. No one was going to talk to his grandson like that.

Tony leapt at the phone, fumbling in excitement. Loki was calling him back. This was it. He wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry.

"Hello? Loki?"

"I don't know who you think you are, young man," Grandpa Borr scolded, shocked by the fact that it was a male who answered the phone and not some uncouth female. To think that people were trying to lure his grandson to the dark side. "But my grandson does not need sex crazed homosexuals calling him at ridiculous hours so you just stop calling this number, you understand?"

Tony blinked. What the hell? "I'm sorry, but I don't – "

"I'm sure you don't," Grandpa Borr interrupted.

Grandma Bestla took over the phone, saying, "Our Lucky Ducky isn't interested in you or your foul language. And if you ring this number again I will personally call the police. You're not luring my grandson into your bed."

She hung up the phone with a huff, a pleased smile on her face. That should stop that disgusting boy. "Loki's lucky he has us," she told her husband, turning off the lamp and placing the phone on the bedside table.

* * *

**Author's Note**: So... I apologize for the lateness of this chapter. So much for not taking months in between. Life has been super hectic. Like crazy. You've no idea. It also didn't help that I got stuck halfway through writing this chapter. Anywho I think there's only one chapter left so woohoo! I'll try to get the chapter up within the next few weeks. If it isn't, feel free to bug me. Whether it's on tumblr, here, or anywhere else. I will do it. I will finish this. And it will be brilliant.


	4. Happy Birthday

"Bye!" Sif yelled at her guests, a huge smile plastered on her face. "Bye bye!" She waved enthusiastically as the teens stumbled out of the house and towards their cars, bikes, skateboards, and the pavement.

She slammed the door behind her, checking for stragglers. Finding none, she stumbled up the stairs in search of Tony. He had locked himself up in his room but she was sure that now that everyone was gone they could chit chat like responsible adults. Or have really great sex. Either one would work for her.

* * *

He stared at the mess.

_Please, god in heaven. Don't let that hole be there. _Tony uncovered his eyes and groaned. The hole was still there. He peered up and got a piece of plaster right in the eye. Tony had never been more upset over gravity in all his life.

Someone, it seems, had discovered the workout room and decided to prove their strength. Except they didn't know how to load dumbbells onto the bar and they went careening through the floor, not stopping until it made its way to the wine cellar.

His father was going to kill him.

Tony knew he had no other option but to start writing his will now. Bruce would get everything in his lab, obviously. He'd probably give Sif a pamphlet his housekeeper gave him when he was twelve about underage drinking.

That was it really. Talk about depressing. Tony kind of wished he had more things he cared about.

In reality, the likelihood of his father returning home to actually see the mess wasn't very high. He'd call up Pepper, his father's P.A., and have her fix up the house before his father felt the dent in his bank account.

Good plan.

Tony trudged into the kitchen, ignoring the fact that he had to step over a passed out Sif in the hallway. He tried his best not to imagine how she had gotten there in the first place. Clearly, she was more drunk than Tony had first thought her to be.

Once in the kitchen, Tony grabbed the red cups, emptying their contents out into the sink and throwing them into the garbage can. He did the same with the bottles and cans, praying that no one would ever find out he wasn't recycling. He cared about the planet as much as the next guy, but really. He wasn't in the mood.

Opening the fridge and seeing its empty state, Tony sighed and made his way to the walk in freezer. Pizza pockets was considered food, right?

Tony pulled open the freezer and was instantly attacked by a scrawny kid with blonde hair. "What the hell?" Tony yelped, stepping backwards and tripping over a half empty case of Corona. The kid fell over with him and Tony groaned in pain.

"Get off me!" Tony yelled, startling the kid, who scampered backwards, but continued to mutter his thanks and apologies. He helped Tony up and swept his clothes, attempting to clean up his savior.

"You beautiful, beautiful man. I'd kiss you if you wouldn't kill me," the boy said, slapping dirt off of Tony's butt, and really? – personal boundaries, man. "I thought I was going to be trapped there for the next hundred years." He stopped his fussing and smiled brightly at Tony.

"You!" Tony exclaimed, grabbing Fandral by the shirt collar and suddenly Fandral wished he was back in the freezer. At the very least he would starve.

Fandral's answering smile was less happy and more laced with fright. "Hey, Tony, old pal," he stuttered. "Long time no see. Nice place you've got here."

Tony didn't seem to be listening to him, for which Fandral was pleased. He liked to think he could get out of any situation, but this was just pushing it. Following the other boy's eye line, Fandral gulped when he saw Tony glaring at the hickey on his neck.

"I can explain," Fandral exclaimed.

"You'd better," Tony growled, and if Fandral wasn't close to being murdered, he'd probably be turned on by it.

* * *

It was the tingling sensation of being watched that awoke Loki from his restless slumber. Despite what people may think, he was not a light sleeper. Just the opposite. It took Thor's booming voice to awake Loki, and only in close range after several attempts at being awoken.

So if Loki opened his eyes and screamed, "Fucking hell!" when a shadow loomed over him, and one eye gleamed in the moonlight that escaped through the half closed curtains, Loki felt he ought to be forgiven. He was not accustomed to having all of his faculties the moment he awoke.

An amused chuckle rang through the room and suddenly Loki felt very foolish. "Dad," he groaned, upset with himself.

"Watch your language," Odin said, good humouredly. He was dressed in a pair of loose pajama bottomss and an old t-shirt Thor, Baldur, and Loki had bought for him for Father's Day when they were little. It had Darth Vader on it, saying, "I am your Father."

It was funny at the time.

Loki sat up and stared at his dad. "Uh…," Loki gawped, brow furrowed in confusion. "Did something happen?" It's very possible Grandma Bestla had a heart attack and died. And in his bed. Gross. _Please tell me that didn't happen_.

"No," Odin answered, patting Loki's foot through his blanket. "I couldn't sleep."

"Oh."

"I feel like a heel," Odin confessed. "We forgot your birthday."

They remembered. His father remembered. Loki wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry. Suddenly he felt like a jerk for being angry about it all day.

Well maybe not that much of a jerk. They did forget his birthday.

"It's ok," Loki said. The point was they remembered now, right? Hopefully his father felt guilty enough to give him a really rad birthday present.

Odin sat down on the foot end of the couch. "It's not ok," he replied, shaking his head fiercely. "I know how tough it's been for you, since you found out you were adopted." And here Loki felt like reassuring his father that, really, it's not been that bad. "I admit, we could have handled that better, but there's no reason to forget your birthday."

Loki felt elated. They hardly spoke of his adoption. Mainly because the last time that happened, Loki nearly murdered Baldur. In his defense, Baldur was being a complete asshole and Loki hadn't tried to bodily harm him in over 72 hours. Things were bound to get heated.

"Thor's graduation's tomorrow," Loki shrugged, wrapping his arms around his legs. "It's kind of important. You were bound to forget things."

"Forget where I put my briefcase, yes. Your birthday, no," Odin maintained.

Loki smiled brightly. "If it makes you feel better, I forgive you." Odin chuckled, ruffling Loki's hair.

"Thanks, kid. Happy birthday." He made his way out of the room and Loki's smile quickly faded, replaced by a contemplative frown.

Loki knew that since Odin and Frigga told him he was adopted, just before freshmen year (_thanks parents for the extra load of teenage drama_), he made life a little more difficult for them all. From declaring that they loved Thor and Baldur more than him, to refusing to call them family (that only lasted a week, much to everyone's relief). If this had happened, say… a year ago – he would have gone berserk.

Now, being adopted was just a fact about him. He had black hair, green eyes, hated cheese, and was adopted. Facts.

"Are you sure you're fine?" Odin asked, interrupting Loki's thoughts, and clearly still standing in the living room. Loki blinked at his dad. "Not that I don't believe you, it's just, you look like something else is bothering you. Besides your birthday."

They were not going to go down this road. _Turn around now. Leave. We are not going to talk about his_. "Nope," Loki replied, maybe a bit too quickly to be considered innocent.

"Really?" Loki nodded. "So this has nothing to do with a certain someone?" Loki froze. How? "Someone who's been a little out of reach, lately?"

Oh god. Loki flopped forward, hiding his head in his lap. Odin sat back down and pulled Loki into an impromptu hug. Usually, Loki would complain, but it was so nice. His dad was suddenly the most understanding man on the planet, and wasn't this a birthday miracle.

"I know Thor graduating means seeing less of him, but we knew this day was coming."

Loki should have known it was too good to be true. How would he know, anyway? He pulled out of his father's grasp and plopped down onto his pillow.

"What?" Odin asked, a little surprised that their touching moment may have been ruined by him not breathing the right way. Loki was a little odd like that.

"Nothing, dad," Loki reassured him. "Thanks for the talk."

Now, despite what Loki, his wife, or even his mother said about him, Odin was not dumb. He was not blind (he had one working eye, thank you very much), and he could pick up on body language the same as anyone else and Loki was not fine.

"I said something wrong, didn't I?"

Loki sighed, covering his face so his dad couldn't see the blush. "I thought – " Loki cut himself off. It was like ripping off a band aid. The quicker, the better. "I thought you were talking about Tony."

That… wasn't what Odin was expecting at all. "Tony?"

With a huff and a sigh, Loki resigned himself to the most awkward conversation he would ever have with his father. "Tony Stark," Loki explained. "He's a boy. Can we not talk about this? Please."

Then suddenly, it hit him. Odin realized that he wasn't the most supportive father. Having two other sons that had more girlfriends than he could count, it was natural for him to assume Loki was the same.

So, Odin squared his shoulders and said, "Do I need to kill someone for you?"

It was the most absurd thing Loki had ever heard his father say that he gawked for what seemed like ages. "Dad!"

"I don't need to protect your honor, or anything?" Odin questioned. It was a shame, because honestly, he was getting into the idea. If any boy broke his son's heart, he'd happily make their life a living hell.

"He doesn't even know I exist," Loki confessed. "So it'll be rather difficult."

"Ah," Odin responded. Loki sunk deeper into his blankets, hoping to disappear off the planet. "Well, who is this Tony, then?"

Yup. This was going to happen. Why couldn't Odin be as dense as he usually was? As far as birthday miracles went, this quickly turned into a curse. The last thing Loki needed was for his dad to realize what a huge dork he was.

He knew he was blushing and he knew his father wasn't going to give up and really, Loki should have just killed himself when he got the chance because this day just kept getting worse and worse. How was that even possible? This had to be longest and most tragic day of his life.

Loki kept his eyes on his knees as he said, "He's a senior. And he's perfect and wonderful and I'm a huge dork that just gawps at him. So please, can we drop this, before I die of embarrassment?"

"Why are you embarrassed?"

"Are you serious?" Loki blurted. "I'm sitting in the dark, with my dad, discussing my disgusting pining and severe lack of love life. I think you know why I'm embarrassed." The _not to mention I'm gay and you haven't exactly been all that accepting of it_ went unsaid. But it was heavily implied.

"You must like him a lot," Odin said, warming up to his role as supportive father. He knew that Loki was at that age where dating and sex and hormones were all the rage and it would be sooner, rather than later, when Loki brought a boy home to meet them. But he had sort of dismissed it as a problem for another day. Though, now faced with it, Odin didn't see it as much of a problem as he had anticipated.

He'd had plenty of conversations along these lines with Baldur and Thor. The only difference was Loki was crushing on a boy, rather than girl. Odin could do this. He had this.

"And if this Tony doesn't like you," Odin continued, "then he most definitely doesn't deserve you."

Loki rolled his eyes, good naturedly. "Thanks dad," Loki mumbled. "Now can you go back to sleep and let me stew in self loathing and embarrassment?"

"Not until you lie and tell me I'm up for Father of the Year," Odin joked.

"Father of the Year," Loki replied. "No doubt about it."

* * *

Tony sat atop the kitchen counter, eating potato chips and holding the pair of underwear Fandral had tossed at him. "They're really his?" Tony asked, admiring Loki's taste in boxers.

Fandral nodded, pouring himself and Tony a martini. He found the jar of cherries and popped one inside. He wasn't sure if cherries went with martinis, but it was bound to be delicious. He handed Tony his glass and leaned against the counter next to the older teen.

Shit. It was olives. Olives go in martinis. But Fandral didn't like olives. He stared at his drink. Was it really worth exchanging for olives?

"And he…" Tony trailed off. He didn't want to think about it. He didn't want to think of Loki debauching the dork standing next him.

"For justice!" Fandral proclaimed, then with a blush, added, "Well more like, I helped him out, so he helped me out." Screw it. No olives.

"What you help him with?"

Fandral smiled. "You."

Tony blinked, surprised. "Me?"

Downing his drink, Fandral answered, "Yup. I told him you were looking for him and the guy nearly had a panic attack." At Tony's unbelieving face Fandral insisted, "For real, man. Loki totally digs you."

Tony found it a little hard to believe. The look of pure terror on his face when they bumped into each other outside the gym told him otherwise. "You sure?"

"Trust me," Fandral said. "Digs you like a… uh… whatever animal digs. Rabbits? Rabbits dig right? Wait, they burrow."

"You better not be lying to me," Tony threatened.

Fandral nearly choked on his cherry. The mere thought of him trying to mess with the upperclassman was laughable. Fandral, despite his inflated ego and arrogance knew his place in the high school food chain. He was a freshman and a dork. He was lower than the low. "Would I lie to you?" Fandral squeaked. "Do you know what would happen if I lied to you?"

Tony smirked. "I'd kick your ass."

The younger boy nodded his head enthusiastically. "Exactly."

After a moment's contemplation Tony said, "I ran into him earlier. He looked like I was gonna eat him."

"Listen to me," Fandral confided. "Loki knows he's hot. People like him know it, and they like to tease guys like us. We want it, they know we want it, so they mess with our heads." He grabbed Tony's martini and downed it, eating the cherry and everything. Tony didn't seem convinced of Fandral's argument, but as long as he wasn't upset, Fandral felt everything was fine.  
"Do you know how many gorgeous babes have ruined my life? And do you wanna know how many of them I let do it to me? Let me just tell you: all of them."

"That's probably something you don't want to admit to," Tony commented.

Fandral shrugged. "The point is Loki was just drawing you in." He dug into Tony's bowl of chips and stuffed his face with some.

As much as Tony liked to think it was true, he knew that he shouldn't be getting advice from a virginal dweeb that got hickeys from the boy he was _not_ obsessing over.

"Though let me say," Fandral continued, "if you're after him just for… you know… a good roll in the sheets, I do have an older brother who I am more than willing to sick on you."

"If I wanted a good fuck, I could just wake up Sif and lead her to the nearest bed."

Fandral felt like grabbing Tony by the shoulders and shaking him until he saw sense. He would kill to have a lady like that. He worked way too hard to get laid. The fact that Tony could just snap his fingers and a hottie would immediately serve him was Fandral's greatest dream. "Why don't you?"

And that was the ultimate question, wasn't it? Sif was everything a teenage boy could possibly want. Everything Tony thought he wanted. Now was not the time, nor place, to be explaining himself.

He shrugged in response and Fandral didn't push.

Good.

"Hey," Tony said, suddenly brimming with good ideas. "You wanna take her home?"

* * *

Sif stirred for only a moment upon being hoisted up in the air. She wasn't sure what was happening but she vaguely made out the features of Tony and that consoled her.

She opened her eyes moments later as she was sat in a familiar car. She ran her hands over the leather seats, a chill running up her spine. Sif blinked as the car door was closed and Tony smiled at her.

If she was in here then… She turned to her left and saw a smiling blonde. That couldn't be right.

"Who's he?" she asked.

"That's me," Sif heard Tony say. That didn't make any sense. She faced Tony.

"Who're you?"

"I'm him."

That… was sound logic. "Ok," Sif said, before closing her eyes and drifting off into sleep. She was so out of it she didn't even feel the car crash into the back of the garage.

* * *

Fandral was sure that any moment, Sif would wake up and realize that he was not the strong, rugged, and genius Tony Stark, but instead the thin, absolutely handsome, and slightly awkward freshman that sometimes gawked at him when she passed him in the hall.

They were currently sitting in the driveway of his best pal, Volstagg.

The car was only slightly beat up, considering Sif was conscious enough halfway through the drive to try giving Fandral a blow job. That may or may not have severely distracted Fandral and impair his driving abilities. The kid didn't even have a driving permit for pete's sake.

Tony should not be trusting him with his father's car. Or his girlfriend.

Though, when a guy is searching for a new romantic partner, it might signal the end of a relationship, right?

Fandral took out his phone and texted Volstagg.

**Outside. Get Hogun and bring your camera. **

He closed his eyes and didn't open them until he heard Volstagg stumble through his front door, Hogun coming out of the house next door. Perfect.

* * *

Loki trudged up the stairs, blanket wrapped around his body like a toga.

After the horrifying conversation with his dad, Loki slept surprisingly well. Perhaps his dad wasn't as clueless or hopeless, or even awful, as he thought he was. Odin did try, didn't he? Plus he remembered his birthday in the end. Maybe they'd get him a cake today or something.

As he passed his grandparents in the kitchen, he was instantly reminded that a cake for him, was highly impossible. How could he forget that today was Thor's graduation?

_The same way everyone else forgot yesterday was your birthday_, a little voiced sassed at him.

Upon reaching the second floor he noticed his mother standing there, looking at him. "Morning," Loki yawned.

"Oh, Loki," Frigga said. "Yesterday was your birthday, and we all forgot." It seemed that she was more affected by this than Loki was. Tears welled in her eyes as she continued, "And yesterday, you were trying to tell me."

Loki offered a reassuring smile and pulled his mother into a hug. "It's alright, Mom."

"You must hate us," she sniffled. And really, Loki found it a little funny.

Shouldn't he be the one crying and being comforted by his mother. "I don't hate you…well maybe Baldur, but he's a jerk." He broke the hug and wiped a tear from Frigga's face.

"Who died?"

Frigga and Loki turned to see Baldur standing in the hall way in a t-shirt and his underwear. Loki grimaced. How did people actually like his brother?

"No one," Frigga answered, turning Loki towards him. "Don't you have something to say to your brother?"

Baldur's eyes grew wide. "Do I have time to go get my list, or should I just spitball?"

"Yesterday was his birthday," Frigga continued, holding back her temper. "We all forgot." Maybe not too well on the last statement.

Baldur let out a guffaw, clutching his sides and holding onto the stair railing as he doubled over in laughter. Loki was not impressed. "That's classic," Baldur wheezed between his laughs. "Absolutely classic."

He stepped into the bathroom, laughing all the while as Loki and Frigga stared after him. "Deep down, he feels terrible about it, I'm sure," Frigga finally said, neither believing her words for a moment.

* * *

Loki was laying in his bed when his phone rang. He answered it absently. "Hello."

"Loki, are you anywhere near the internet?" was Amora's frantic greeting. "Facebook in particular?"

He sat up then. What the hell happened? "Should I be?" he asked, turning on his laptop.

"No!" she shouted. "Don't." Loki stared at his phone incredulously. Would that woman make up her mind. "Just… Did you sleep with a freshman?"

Oh god. He should never have been nice to that little… turd. "No. I did not," he bit out. He could feel a headache coming on. "Why?"

"Um…"

This clearly did not bode well. Loki logged onto his computer in a rush, checking his email whilst logging into Facebook at the same time. He had a few emails letting him know that he was tagged in both photos and status'.

Great.

**All hail Fandral, the Freshman god. Two hotties in one night. – with Sif (last name) and Loki Odinson. **

And below was a picture of Fandral making out with Sif. The next photo was a perfect documentation of the hickeys Loki had so graciously given the nerd. The next was of his underwear.

Loki stopped after that.

There were millions of comments on everything. All Loki knew was that he was going to murder Fandral.

"Loki? Loki are you still there?"

"I'm going to kill him," Loki hissed, hanging up the phone.

* * *

Fandral was not hiding in his room. The doors were not locked and he most certainly wasn't hiding in his closet.

The banging on his bedroom door grew louder and Fandral cringed slightly. He was going to die. Damn Volstagg and Hogun. Those two twerps couldn't keep their mouths shut.

"I know you're in there," Tony spat out, jiggling the door knob furiously. "Your mom gave you away, punk."

Fandral cursed under his breath. Ratted out by his own mother. He slowly opened his closet door and crawled out. He ran a hand through his hair and checked himself out in the mirror. _Get a good look,_ he thought. _You're never gonna be this handsome again_.

Steeling himself, Fandral opened the door and was quickly punched in the face by one Tony Stark. Fandral stumbled backwards, tripping over a pair of sneakers, and falling onto his butt. He put his hands over his nose, certain that it was bleeding. It really was a shame.

At least it wasn't his eye. The last thing Fandral wanted was a black eye. But what if his nose was broken! Fandral let out a whimper, sighing in relief when he wiggled his nose and it was perfectly fine. Aside from the blood. But that was to be expected.

Tony sat on his haunches, grapping Fandral's collar. "You piece of shit," Tony growled.

This was definitely not what Fandral thought his morning was going to be like.

"I trusted you with Sif, and you go around molesting her," Tony said, his grip tightening. "Not cool."

Molest… "Hold the phone," Fandral stuttered as Tony pulled him. "I didn't do anything to Sif. I promise. I swear. I took her home, just like you asked."

"Then explain," Tony demanded, "why there are photos of you making out with her on Facebook."

Ok, that was gonna be hard to explain. "I may have made a quick detour – " anger flashed in Tony's eyes and Fandral gulped " – and I may or may not have asked my friends to document my luck, but I didn't expect them to post it all over the internet," Fandral explained, pleading for his life. "I swear. If anything, you should be beating them up."

Tony let the geek go and Fandral breathed a sigh of relief. He slumped onto the ground, his adrenaline dissipating now that Tony wasn't going to murder him. If Tony was planning on murdering Volstagg and Hogun, Fandral would happily join him. Those jerks.

He glanced quickly at Tony, who was sitting on the ground next to him, his head resting on his knees. Fandral slowly sat up and cleared his throat. "Is she… upset?"

Tony looked up and let out a heartless chuckle. "She finds it highly amusing."

"Ah." That wasn't what Fandral expected. Maybe they could do it again. But Sif could be a little more sober and Fandral could not involve his traitorous buddies. "Your car's in the driveway."

"Happy's got it, thanks," Tony muttered. Fandral had no clue who Happy was, but as long as Tony had it under control…

"By the way," Tony continued, his anger back in full throttle, "you're going to apologize to Loki."

"What?" Fandral squeaked. "I didn't do anything to him."

"You posted his underwear on the internet!"

"I told you," Fandral mumbled. "That wasn't me."

"There you two are," came the sweet and dulcet tone of Mrs. Dashing. "I hope you're hungry," she continued. "I made chocolate chip pancakes."

* * *

Mrs. Dashing was a very nice woman. She was also a great cook. Tony was sure he had never had more delicious pancakes in his entire life, and he had his own personal chef. He wondered how much he could pay Mrs. Dashing to convince her to make pancakes for him every morning.

She smiled pleasantly as the two boys ate their breakfast. "You know, It's so nice to meet another one of Fandral's friends."

"Likewise," Tony said between chews. "If I had known you made pancakes as delicious as these, I would have asked to meet you sooner." He swallowed and threw her one of his most charming grins. Mrs. Dashing giggled and Fandral felt like barfing. Gross.

* * *

Loki scowled at the crying baby resting against his mother's shoulder. He really hated crowds. To make it worse, he was sitting next to Baldur and Kurt. Between Baldur's assholery and Kurt's enthusiasm, Loki felt as if he was cast into hell. That baby didn't help matters either.

After a very embarrassed family wished him happy birthday, Thor himself squeezing the life out of Loki, the family squeezed into the minivan and their grandpa's station wagon and headed to the university plaza where the outdoor graduation ceremony would take place.

The sun beat down on them, and it was hot, and sticky, and Loki was wearing a suit. Then again, so was everyone else, but Loki didn't enjoy suffering. Far from it.

He had started out the ceremony blankly staring at the school president and then proceeded to zone out entirely. Thor may be his big brother, and he may love him to death, but graduation ceremonies were literally the most boring thing in the universe.

Loki pulled out his phone, only to be greeted by a barrage of texts from Amora.

**I can't believe those jerks posted it on the Freshman group page. I never knew Freshmen to be so sneaky and villainous.**

**Wade shared it on his page. The douche face!**

**Though I gotta say, you wear the sexiest underwear.**

**Did I cross a line? I crossed a line didn't I?**

**So I untagged you on those photos. **

**But… the damage is done (Damn you Wade!)**

**We have some really weird kids in our school. And I'm not only talking about Victor. **

**Wow… so apparently a lot of people want to do you.**

**You should be proud.**

**I know you're at Thor's thing, but a little bit of acknowledgement would be nice.**

Loki slunk down in his seat and replied back, shielding his screen from the prying eyes of his stupid brother.

**How embarrassed am I going to be on Monday?** **– L**

**You're alive! At this point, it's hard to tell.**

**Did you really give the nerd those hickies?**

**…Can we not talk about it? - L**

**OMG YOU DID YOU LITTLE SLUT I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU SLEPT WITH A FRESHMAN THIS IS CRAZY!**

**I didn't sleep with him. Stop being ridiculous. - L**

**But you said… L**

**Look. It's a long story. If, and when, I have sex, I will tell you all the disgusting details. – L**

**Mmmm. Sexy. **

**So why'd you do it? Give me the abridged version. PLEEEAAAASE :3**

**Really? Grrr. Fine. – L**

**Fandral (the geek) bet his friends that he could sleep with me. I rejected him, but he informed me that Tony Stark was looking for me. – L**

**Tony? Seriously?**

**So, as not to make him feel totally rejected (and help him win his bet) I gave him a whole bunch of hickies and made him look more or less well shagged. Alright? – L**

**You gave the kid your underwear, Lokes.**

**BUT TONY STARK – L**

**I think we need to have a serious heart to heart. **

**It doesn't matter. After last night, I'm pretty sure any chances I had with Tony are completely ruined. Maybe I should become a priest… - L **

**The chances of you believing in a higher power than yourself is highly unlikely.**

**Oh shut up. – L**

* * *

The photographs were plenty and never ending. Odin could tell that even his wife's smiles were a little forced, but Odin wanted pictures, and god damn it, he was going to get them. He wanted his office plastered with them.

His favorite was that of his boys together, smiling and laughing, Loki squished between his older brothers. That one was going on his desk. Possibly blown up and put behind his desk. Or was that too much?

Once the picture parade ended, the lot of them got back into their cars and drove to the nearest restaurant where the food was delicious and the trademark Odinson booming voices weren't frowned upon.

Odin was happy. It was plain to see, of course, and he had every reason to be happy. His family was safe and healthy, his oldest son was going to go into the world and the chances of him getting job highly likely considering the dinner the night before went rather well. Yep. He was very happy.

But also, Odin felt relieved. He and Loki's relationship had been rather strained since they told the boy he was adopted. Odin didn't quite know how to connect with him, or patch their strained bond. After last night Odin felt like he finally did something right.

The two actually had a conversation over their meal. One that didn't end with the other one upset or feeling alienated. Success!

So later that day when the doorbell rang and Odin found himself face to face with a young man who introduced himself as Tony Stark, Odin couldn't help but smile.

Definitely Father of the Year. No doubt about it.

* * *

Loki looked up from his bowl of ice cream when the doorbell rang. If it was Fandral, he was going to punch him in the face. His father called, "I got it," from the living room as he got up from the couch.

Hopping off the kitchen counter, ice cream in hand, Loki quietly followed his dad, so as to be better prepared to flee or fight.

"Hello?"

"Hi. I'm Tony Stark. Does Loki Odinson live here, and if so, may I speak with him?"

Loki froze in shock, spoon nearly falling out of his mouth. Tony Stark. Tony Stark was here. At his house. At his front door. Talking to his dad.

Oh god.

"Sure thing," Loki heard his father say, followed by a holler of, "Loki! Someone here to see you."

_I'm not here. Go away. No. This isn't happening. _

He twitched in the hall way, unsure which way to run. To the door, or to his room to hide, so no one, namely Tony Stark, can see his embarrassment.

"Loki!"

Shit. There was no escaping it, was there? And Loki was pretty sure they'd notice if he shimmied out the window.

Loki creeped to the door, ice cream thankfully forgotten on a hallway table. The smile that Tony broke out in when he saw Loki was enough to stop his heart and cease his breathing. "Hey, Loki," Tony greeted, wiggling his fingers around the large figure that was Loki's father.

"Hi," Loki mimicked, staring at Tony in what could only be described as fear. _I'm making a total fool of myself_. He was about to dismiss his dad but just as he took his eyes off Tony, Loki realized he had disappeared.

That sneaky man.

"You weren't doing anything important, were you?" Tony asked, genuinely concerned.

Loki shook his head. "Not really."

"Awesome."

They stood in the doorway, just looking at each other. Loki could feel his face burning. Finally, he took a deep breath and rushed out, "We could sit down, if you'd like," pointing to the porch swing.

Tony nodded. Loki closed the front door, praying that his parents weren't spying on him and sat down next to Tony.

"I… uh…," Tony stammered. He let out a breath and began to laugh. "You know, this is gonna sound weird, but I have your underwear." He reached into his pocket and pulled out Loki's favorite pair of boxers.

Loki took hold of the offered garment before he broke out into a fit of giggles. Tony, too, began chuckling, and soon the boys were clutching onto each other and their stomachs, trying to quiet themselves and maintain some semblance of self control. But it was all too ridiculous.

Once they quieted down, they sat back on the swing and sat there in comfortable silence.

"Thanks," Loki finally said. After all, he was raised to be polite.

Tony snickered, "No problemo."

They were quiet again and Loki wondered if that was the only reason Tony came. I mean, why else? And – "How'd you get my underwear?" Loki asked, crossing his legs and casting his gaze on the older teen.

Tony huffed, running his hands in his hair in embarrassment. "Fandral… kind of gave them to me."

"What?"

"More like I forced him to give them to me," Tony explained. Then, realizing what he said, he stammered and shook his head, saying, "Not that I wanted them. And not that I didn't want them – just thought you should get them back. Because… that's… the right thing to do."

Loki hid a smile behind his hands. "You beat up Fandral?"

"Among other things," Tony admitted. "I trusted him to take Sif home safely and he went on a crazy adventure. It just so happened that I thought he didn't treat you so well either." Loki nodded. Of course Tony went for Sif's sake. She was his girlfriend.

"Thanks," Loki replied, feeling only slightly dejected. Tony was just being a nice guy. "Thanks," he repeated. "I should probably – "

He made to get up but Tony stopped him by grabbing his hand. "Look, I didn't – ugh – can… shit," Tony stammered. He ran a hand over his face before schooling his features and staring right at Loki.

"I didn't come here just to return your underwear," Tony finally managed to say. "I mean, that was on my agenda but not the top of the list." Loki gulped. "I like you, Loki."

What? Loki's heart was pounding and he was sure that he could feel the blood rushing in his ears. Tony Stark. The guy he's been crushing on since forever… liked him.

"And I was kind of hoping… you'd like to go out with me. Sometime. Or today. Or whenever. I'm not really all that picky," Tony continued, his confidence and bravado slowly disintegrating under Loki's silence.

Loki was sure that at any moment he was going to start hyperventilating. This was completely unreal. He stared at their adjoined hands. This was totally real. "You're dating Sif" Loki said, realization hitting him.

"We kind of broke up," Tony shrugged. "It was a mutual agreement."

"Ok," Loki agreed.

"Really?"

Loki nodded. "Yeah. I'd like it. A lot."

The two smiled at one another. "I heard yesterday was your birthday," Tony said.  
"Don't remind me," Loki groaned.

Tony laughed, leaning in so their faces were only a hair's width away. "Too late," he smiled, pressing his lips to Loki's.

"Happy birthday."

* * *

**Author's Note**: And... we're done. Yay!

The ending screwed me over a whole bunch. I literally didn't know how to end it. Though there is a deleted ending scene, where basically Odin and Frigga are watching Tony and Loki from the window and celebrate when the two kiss. Because this is how my mind works.

So this last chapter was not as close to the original film, but that's ok. I like it better this way. So go watch Sixteen Candles and drown in the marvelousness.

Aardvark!  
(also I'm really tired and don't feel like rereading it and editing it. I'll probably do it later but let me know if there are any blaring mistakes)


End file.
